tomandzoe.com - live from the northside

During long bouts of hot weather, otherwise known as summers, it’s important to stay cool. I offer the following tips for thermoregulation under such oppressive conditions:

1. Slap on a hat. Hats are very under-rated. I like to keep one in the car, in the office and at home for times when mother nature is getting me down.

2. Slurp some fluids. Hydration is pivotal kids. Make sure you have enough XXXX to go the distance. Tropical ice smoothies with pow-pow (a kikinese term) and banana (and rum ye scurvy dogs) are good too. Show your beverage you care by installing a cocktail umbrella.

3. Shave your head. Reducing the thickness of your hair works wonders for your core temperature. Apparently you lose 90% of your heat through your head. Be careful to trim your melon after 3 or 4 beers so that you make a few mistakes, it’s far more interesting. For example, you could install an extra “cool-panel” on the back-right side for ventilation.

4. Have frequent “power-showers”. Short, powerfully cold showers used for rejuvination or preparing for a night out in a hurry. Give yourself a superhero name like “The Exfoliator”. If you dry yourself with a very thin cotton sarong, it won’t be able to hold all the moisture right away, but will evaporate and absorb more - as you stay nice and cool. Hanging your wet sarong in a breezy doorway will help to cool the entire room, especially if you…

5. Crank the fan. Fans are wonderful and far better for you (and mother nature) than air-conditioning (although, sometimes she’s a bitch and needs to be taught a lesson). If you go back and forth from normal hot air to air-conditioning too fast, you’ll get a cold and feel like poo (don’t know why exactly, but you will). Lying on your back under the fan and using a spray-bottle to mist the air above you is a sure fire way to stay chilled.

6. Don’t move too fast. Townsvillians have been employing this technique since the town was founded. Come to think of it, don’t talk or think too fast either, it is the tromopics after all…

This entry was posted on Thursday, October 20th, 2005 at 9:44 am and is filed under General. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.